Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
