i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
