Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
