She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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