She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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