he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
