Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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