Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
