Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
