Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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