Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
