So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
