Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??