u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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