Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
