Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu