If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.