I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
