if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's what I'm talking about
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.