watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This baby is an asshole
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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