I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
