So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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