He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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