your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
