happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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