I think im going to throw up on grandma
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
