I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
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you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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