Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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