he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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