I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
