so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize