1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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