How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
