Kiss
Puke
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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