Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
