he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
