I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
