fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
