Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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