Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
