i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
