PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
