Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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