I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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