Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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