You work out of a Hotel?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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