So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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