You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
