Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
