My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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