This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
