We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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