Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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