what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
