You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
