So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
