Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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