Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
