I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
