...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
