oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's rum buckets o'clock
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
