We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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