And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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