Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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