Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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