I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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