i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.