Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit