Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard