Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The uberlube is also flammable
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.