During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists