bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
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I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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