i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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