Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
