I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
